don@punchcreatives.com, Author at theallinpro.com

The Power of Your Tone: How Your Voice Shapes Your Athlete’s Confidence

Feb 4, 2025 | Mental Health

Dr. Heather Larkin, LMHC, MGCP, MPM

As a sports parent, you play a significant role in your child’s athletic journey. From the car ride to the game, to the sideline cheers, to the post-game conversations, everything you say—and how you say it—impacts their confidence, motivation, and overall performance.

But here’s something many parents don’t think about enough: your tone of voice.

Your words may be meant to encourage, but if they come out as sharp, disappointed, or overly intense, your athlete might hear something completely different. On the flip side, a calm, supportive tone can help them stay confident, resilient, and focused—no matter the outcome of the game.

Why Tone Matters More Than Words

Athletes, especially young ones, are highly sensitive to nonverbal cues. Research shows that only 7% of communication comes from words—while tone of voice makes up 38%, and body language 55%. That means how you say something carries five times more weight than what you actually say.

For example, consider these two ways of saying the same thing after a tough game:

Scenario 1 (harsh tone, frustrated body language):
“Why weren’t you ready to play today? You looked lost out there!”

Scenario 2 (calm tone, supportive body language):
“That was a tough game. What do you think you can do differently next time?”

Both statements address the same topic, but the first one can crush an athlete’s confidence, making them feel inadequate. The second invites reflection and growth without making them feel judged or criticized.

The Impact of Tone on an Athlete’s Mindset

Your tone of voice influences your athlete’s mindset in critical ways:

🔹 Confidence Boost vs. Self-Doubt: A supportive tone helps them trust themselves, while a frustrated or disappointed tone can lead to second-guessing.

🔹 Resilience vs. Fear of Failure: Encouraging tones teach them to bounce back from mistakes, while harsh tones make them fear making another one.

🔹 Enjoyment vs. Pressure: A positive tone keeps sports fun, while a critical tone can turn it into a high-stress experience.

Athletes who feel emotionally safe and supported are more likely to take risks, push through challenges, and stay committed to their sport.

How to Use Your Tone to Build Confidence

Here are some key ways to be mindful of your tone of voice when talking to your athlete:

✅ Keep it neutral and calm, even after a tough game. If you’re upset, take a deep breath before speaking.

✅ Match your tone to the message you want to send. Encouragement should sound warm and genuine, not forced or sarcastic.

✅ Use more curiosity and less criticism. Instead of pointing out what went wrong, ask open-ended questions like, “What did you learn from today’s game?”

✅ Be intentional about praise. Saying “I love watching you play” in an authentic, uplifting tone goes a long way.

✅ Watch your body language. Crossed arms, eye rolls, or deep sighs can send a negative message even if your words are positive.

The Car Ride Home: Where Tone Matters Most

The post-game car ride is one of the most crucial moments where your tone of voice can shape your athlete’s mindset. This is when they’re most vulnerable—processing their performance, reliving mistakes, and seeking reassurance.

Try this instead of immediate feedback:

“I love watching you compete.”
“How did you feel out there?”
“What was your favorite part of the game?”

Sometimes, silence is golden. If your athlete doesn’t want to talk, let them take the lead.

Final Thoughts

Your athlete’s confidence isn’t just built through training and practice—it’s also shaped by the way you communicate with them. Your tone of voice can be the difference between a confident, resilient athlete and one who plays in fear of disappointing you.

So next time you’re watching from the stands or driving home after a game, take a moment to check your tone. Your voice is more powerful than you think!

WHO Gives a S*** What Other People Think?

Oct 2, 2024 | Control The Controllable

How to Decrease Your Need for Social Approval

Worrying about what others think is something most of us have experienced at some point. Whether it’s fearing judgment, criticism, or simply wanting to fit in, these concerns can weigh us down, hold us back, and keep us from living authentically. But what if you could break free from this cycle? Here’s how you can stop worrying about what others think of you and start living life on your terms.

Understand the Root of Your Worry

To tackle the fear of judgment, it’s important to first understand why you care so much. Is it rooted in past experiences, insecurities, or the desire to be liked? Identifying the source can help you confront these fears directly. Remember, it’s not about changing overnight but about becoming aware of what drives your need for approval.

Shift Your Focus to Your Values

When you define your core values and what truly matters to you, the opinions of others naturally take a back seat. Reflect on your personal beliefs, passions, and the standards you set for yourself. Align your actions with your values, and you’ll find that living authentically is far more fulfilling than seeking external validation.

Recognize the Spotlight Effect

The “spotlight effect” is our tendency to overestimate how much others notice or care about our actions, appearance, or mistakes. The truth? Most people are preoccupied with their own lives and insecurities. Realizing this can be liberating—it means that the judgments you fear are often exaggerated in your mind.

Practice Self-Compassion

Think about how you would support a close friend who is struggling with self-doubt. Now, turn that same kindness inward. Be gentle with your flaws and mistakes, recognizing that nobody is perfect. Practicing self-compassion builds resilience against the fear of external judgment.

Limit Social Media Exposure

Social media can amplify feelings of inadequacy and judgment. Constant exposure to curated images and opinions can make us feel like we’re under scrutiny. Try reducing your time on these platforms and focus more on genuine, real-life interactions that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

When you catch yourself worrying about others’ opinions, pause and ask yourself: Are these thoughts based on facts or assumptions? Often, our minds create worst-case scenarios that have little to do with reality. Challenge these thoughts and replace them with rational, balanced perspectives.

Focus on the Present Moment

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool in quieting your inner critic. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or simply being aware of your surroundings can help you stay grounded. The more present you are, the less room there is for worries about what others might think.

Seek Feedback Wisely

Not all feedback is created equal. Seek input only from those whose opinions you respect and who genuinely have your best interests at heart. The opinions of strangers or casual acquaintances often reflect their own insecurities and biases, not your worth.

Practice Saying No

Learning to set boundaries and saying no when necessary is a crucial step in prioritizing your own needs over others’ expectations. It’s okay to disappoint people sometimes; in fact, it’s a sign that you’re respecting yourself.

Celebrate Your Strengths

Take time to acknowledge your achievements, talents, and unique qualities. Reflecting on your strengths and what makes you special can help reinforce your sense of self-worth, making you less reliant on external validation.

Embrace Imperfection

Perfection is an illusion, and striving for it only sets us up for unnecessary stress and disappointment. Embrace your imperfections as part of what makes you human. Remember, it’s often our quirks and flaws that make us relatable and lovable.

Take Action Despite Fear

The best way to overcome the fear of judgment is to act in spite of it. Whether it’s speaking up, trying something new, or simply being yourself, every time you push through the discomfort, you build confidence. The more you practice, the less power fear holds over you.

Final Thoughts

Letting go of the need for approval from others is an ongoing journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself and celebrate each step forward. The more you focus on your values, practice self-compassion, and embrace who you are, the less you’ll care about what others think—and the more freedom you’ll find in being unapologetically you.

BE ALL IN!

Dr. Larkin

The Importance of Mental Performance Training for Athletes:

Oct 2, 2024 | Mental Performance

A Guide for Sports Parents

As parents of athletes, you want to see your child succeed, thrive, and enjoy their sport to the fullest. You invest time, energy, and resources into training, competitions, and equipment to support their development. But what about investing in their mental game? Often overlooked, mental performance training is a crucial component of athletic success and well-being that can set your child apart from others on and off the field.

Why Mental Performance Matters

Sports are as much mental as they are physical. Consider a scenario where two athletes have equal physical abilities. What differentiates them? It’s often their mental strength—their ability to stay calm under pressure, bounce back from setbacks, and maintain focus despite distractions. These skills don’t develop automatically; they must be cultivated just like physical conditioning. Mental performance training helps athletes learn how to manage stress, handle high-pressure situations, build confidence, and maintain a positive mindset, leading to peak performance and greater enjoyment in their sport.

Building Resilience and Grit

Athletic journeys are filled with ups and downs, victories and disappointments. Without the proper mental tools, setbacks can lead to frustration, loss of motivation, or even burnout. Mental performance training equips athletes with resilience and grit, teaching them to see failures as opportunities for growth. When your child learns to embrace challenges and view mistakes as learning experiences, they become more resilient. This resilience isn’t just beneficial in sports—it translates to other areas of life, helping them overcome obstacles with a stronger mindset.

Developing Confidence and Self-Belief

Every athlete, no matter their skill level, struggles with self-doubt at some point. The voice in their head might tell them they’re not good enough, that they’ll fail, or that others are better. Mental performance training helps athletes silence that inner critic and replace it with empowering self-talk. When athletes believe in themselves, their performance improves, and they become more willing to take risks, push boundaries, and play fearlessly. This sense of self-belief also shields them from external pressures, such as harsh criticism or unrealistic expectations, helping them maintain a healthy relationship with their sport.

Managing Anxiety and Pressure

Sports can be intense, and high-stakes situations—such as a crucial game or qualifying event—can trigger anxiety and performance pressure. Mental performance training provides athletes with techniques like visualization, breathing exercises, and mindfulness to control their nerves and stay composed in these moments. By learning how to regulate emotions and maintain focus, your child can perform at their best when it matters most, turning nervous energy into an asset rather than a hindrance.

Fostering Enjoyment and Long-Term Engagement

The joy of playing a sport is the foundation of an athlete’s motivation. When athletes become overly focused on results, external validation, or avoiding mistakes, they lose the intrinsic enjoyment of the game. Mental performance training helps athletes reconnect with why they love their sport, emphasizing process over outcome and effort over perfection. When athletes play for the love of the game, they’re more likely to stay engaged, avoid burnout, and maintain a positive attitude—even when things don’t go as planned.

Creating a Supportive Environment as a Parent

As a sports parent, you play a pivotal role in shaping your child’s mindset. Encouraging mental performance training shows your child that you value their holistic development, not just their achievements. It also gives you tools to support them during challenging times, reinforcing the mental skills they’re learning and fostering open communication about their thoughts and emotions. This collaborative approach creates a positive environment where your child feels understood, supported, and empowered to reach their potential.

The Bottom Line

Mental performance training isn’t just for elite athletes—it’s for every athlete. It’s about preparing your child to navigate the emotional and psychological demands of their sport, so they can perform at their best, enjoy the journey, and build life skills that extend far beyond the playing field. By investing in your child’s mental game, you’re giving them a gift that will enhance their performance and enrich their overall well-being. So, the next time you think about their sports development, consider not just how high they can jump or how fast they can run, but how strong they can be in mind and spirit.

BE ALL IN!

Dr. Larkin

The Power of Meta-Thinking: Understanding Our Triggers and Transforming Our Minds

Jul 29, 2024 | Control The Controllable

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to become entangled in our thoughts without ever considering their origins or impacts. However, the practice of meta-thinking, or thinking about how we think, is a powerful tool for personal growth. This reflective process not only helps us understand our mental triggers but also enables us to reframe negative thoughts and align our narratives with our goals. Here’s why this is crucial and how you can start transforming your mind today.

Understanding Meta-Thinking

Meta-thinking involves stepping back and observing our thought processes. It’s about being mindful of how we react to different situations and identifying patterns in our thinking. This self-awareness can reveal a lot about our emotional triggers—those specific situations, words, or events that provoke a strong emotional response.

For example, you might notice that criticism from a colleague triggers feelings of inadequacy, or that certain social situations make you anxious. By identifying these triggers, you can begin to understand the underlying beliefs and assumptions that fuel your reactions.

The Importance of Identifying Triggers

Understanding our triggers is the first step towards managing them. Triggers can lead to automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) that are often irrational and unhelpful. These thoughts can shape our perception of reality and influence our behavior in ways that are not aligned with our true selves or our goals.

Identifying these triggers allows us to:

Gain Control: Recognize when you are being influenced by a trigger rather than the actual situation.
Reduce Reactivity: Respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.
Promote Self-Awareness: Understand the root cause of your emotions and thoughts.

Strategies for Reframing Negative Thoughts

Once we identify our triggers, we can work on reframing the negative thoughts they provoke. Here are some strategies to help you do just that:

Challenge Your Thoughts: When a negative thought arises, question its validity. Ask yourself, “Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?” “What evidence do I have to support or refute this thought?”
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes.
Use Positive Affirmations: Replace negative thoughts with positive, empowering statements. For example, if you think, “I’m not good enough,” reframe it to, “I am capable and worthy of success.”
Focus on Growth: Instead of seeing challenges as threats, view them as opportunities to learn and grow. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?” “How can I use this situation to improve?”
Visualize Success: Picture yourself achieving your goals and experiencing positive outcomes. Visualization can reinforce a positive mindset and motivate you to take action.

Using Goals to Rewrite Our Narratives

Our personal narratives—the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we can achieve—shape our reality. By aligning these narratives with our goals, we can create a more positive and empowering self-image.

Set Clear Goals: Define what you want to achieve in various areas of your life. Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART).
Create Action Plans: Break down your goals into actionable steps. Having a clear plan can reduce anxiety and help you stay focused.
Monitor Progress: Regularly review your progress towards your goals. Celebrate your achievements and adjust your plans as needed.
Rewrite Your Story: Actively work on changing your inner dialogue to reflect your goals and aspirations. Instead of saying, “I’ll never be able to do this,” tell yourself, “I am working hard towards achieving my goals, and I am making progress every day.”
Surround Yourself with Positivity: Engage with people and environments that support and inspire you. Positive influences can reinforce your new, empowering narrative.

Conclusion

Thinking about how we think is a transformative practice that can lead to profound personal growth. By identifying our triggers and reframing our negative thoughts, we can break free from unhelpful patterns and create narratives that align with our goals. This shift not only enhances our mental well-being but also propels us towards a more fulfilling and successful life. So take a step back, observe your thoughts, and start rewriting your story today. Your future self will thank you.

A Guide to Emotional Well-Being:

Jul 29, 2024 | Mental Health

How Your Thoughts About Emotions Shape Your Experience

The way we think about our emotions can greatly influence their impact on us. If you view certain emotions as negative, you might end up avoiding or suppressing them. This avoidance can make it harder to accept and process these emotions, causing the related thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations to linger longer than necessary.

It’s important to recognize that emotions are neither inherently good nor bad; they are simply responses to our experiences and surroundings. While happiness and contentment feel pleasant, emotions like frustration and anger can be uncomfortable. For example, achieving a personal goal can bring happiness, while facing a setback might lead to frustration. Both pleasant and unpleasant emotions provide essential insights into our environment.

Positive emotions reinforce good experiences and drive us towards our goals and relationships, whereas negative emotions alert us to issues that may need our attention, such as anxiety warning us of potential dangers or sadness prompting us to address a loss. Learning to embrace the full range of our emotional experiences helps build emotional resilience. Understanding that every emotion, regardless of its pleasantness, offers valuable information can improve our ability to handle challenges and support our overall emotional health.

Emotions vs. Moods: What’s the Difference?

Though we often use “emotion” and “mood” interchangeably, they are not the same. Emotions are short-lived and specific reactions to particular experiences, lasting for moments. Moods, on the other hand, persist over longer periods, can arise from various experiences, and often don’t have a clear cause. Grasping these differences can deepen your understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

What Makes Up an Emotion?

Emotions happen automatically in response to experiences that matter to us. They can be triggered by both internal and external events, such as recalling a happy memory or facing a stressful situation. Emotions are crucial for making quick decisions, guiding us toward our goals or away from danger. For instance, fear can cause a rush of adrenaline, preparing our body for immediate action. The way we experience and express emotions is unique and influenced by our life experiences, family background, cultural beliefs, and values. From a young age, we learn how to express emotions by observing those around us. Our upbringing can shape whether we react emotionally to specific situations. For example, a slice of apple pie might evoke joy in one person because it brings back happy childhood memories, while someone else might feel indifferent.

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is all about managing your emotions and your body’s responses. This can involve changing how you think, act, or respond to different experiences to reduce the intensity of certain emotions. Chances are, you already use emotional regulation techniques in your daily life. For example, after feeling scared during a horror movie, you might remind yourself, “It’s just a movie,” to calm down.

Developing effective emotional regulation skills starts with noticing and naming your emotions. Taking a moment after an experience to acknowledge your feelings can lessen their intensity. For instance, if you’re feeling frustrated due to a miscommunication with a friend, recognizing this feeling allows you to address it directly rather than being overwhelmed without understanding why. A helpful technique is to create some distance from your emotions. Instead of saying, “I’m angry!” you could reframe it to, “I’m feeling angry because I’m stuck in traffic and that’s frustrating.” This subtle shift helps you see emotions as temporary states rather than defining who you are, making it easier to manage them thoughtfully.

Strategies to Improve Emotions and Mood Enhancing your emotional well-being and mood involves practical strategies you can incorporate into your daily routine:

Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness helps you stay present and aware of your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Meditation can further enhance this awareness, reducing stress and improving emotional regulation. Apps like Headspace or Calm offer guided practices for beginners.

Engage in Regular Physical Activity

Exercise is known to release endorphins, the body’s natural mood lifters. Whether it’s a brisk walk, a gym workout, or a yoga session, regular physical activity can boost your mood and overall emotional health.

Maintain a Balanced Diet

Eating a well-balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains can have a positive impact on your mood. Nutrient-rich foods contribute to better mental health and can help stabilize your emotions.

Develop a Support Network

Building strong relationships with family, friends, or support groups can provide emotional support and help you navigate challenging emotions. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can offer new perspectives and comfort.

Establish a Routine

Having a daily routine can create a sense of stability and predictability, which can be comforting. Include activities that you enjoy and that contribute to your well-being, such as hobbies or self-care practices.

Get Adequate Sleep

Good sleep hygiene is crucial for emotional well-being. Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Establish a bedtime routine that promotes relaxation, such as reading or taking a warm bath.

Seek Professional Help When Needed

If you’re struggling to manage your emotions or mood, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Therapists can provide strategies and support tailored to your needs, helping you develop better coping mechanisms. By integrating these strategies into your life, you can enhance your emotional resilience, improve your mood, and build a healthier, more balanced approach to emotional well-being.

Heather Doucette Larkin, EdD, LMHC, MGPC, MPM

Owner- ALL IN Counseling & Mental Performance

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