Dr. Heather Larkin, LMHC, MGCP, MPM

In sports, talent and training get the spotlight—but mindset is the game-changer. Even the most physically prepared athletes can find themselves underperforming if their inner dialogue is distorted by negative thinking patterns. These are called cognitive distortions, and they’re often the silent saboteurs of performance, confidence, and enjoyment.

Fortunately, athletes can take control of their mindset—and it starts with understanding the reframing ALL IN Mindset ™ approach: Awareness. Language. Leverage. Intention. Now.

This isn’t just a philosophy—it’s a practical playbook to help athletes shift from mind traps to mental toughness.

What Are Cognitive Distortions?

Cognitive distortions are automatic, irrational thought patterns that warp reality. They sneak into the minds of athletes and distort how they see themselves, others, and the game. These thoughts feel real, but they aren’t true—and they create unnecessary pressure, fear, and self-doubt.

Let’s break down some common distortions and show you how to fight back using the ALL IN Mindset ™.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

“If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.”

The Trap: Every performance is viewed as black or white—perfect or terrible—with no room for learning or growth.

ALL IN Reset Strategy:

• AWARENESS: Notice the extremes in your language (“always,” “never,” “ruined”).
• REFRAME: Replace with a growth-focused perspective: “That wasn’t my best, but I can improve.”
• INTENTION: Set specific goals for progress over perfection. Ask: What did I do well, and what can I learn?

2. Catastrophizing

“If I mess this up, I’ll lose my spot on the team.”

The Trap: A single mistake becomes a full-blown disaster in your mind. Anxiety takes over, draining focus and composure.

ALL IN Reset Strategy:

• AWARENESS: Pause and breathe. Catch the spiral before it takes over.
• LANGUAGE: Swap “what if I fail?” with “what if I succeed?” or “how can I respond if things don’t go my way?”
• NOW: Ground yourself in the present. Use a physical anchor (e.g., feel your feet on the ground or tap your fingers) to bring your attention back to this moment.

3. Mind Reading

“Coach thinks I’m terrible because of that mistake.”

The Trap: You assume what others are thinking—and it’s usually negative.

ALL IN Reset Strategy:

• AWARENESS: Recognize when you’re assuming instead of asking or observing facts.
• REFRAME: Tell yourself: “I don’t know what they’re thinking, but I can control my effort and attitude.”
• LEVERAGE: Use feedback (when available) as fuel, not fire. Ask questions like: “What can I improve?” instead of “What are they thinking about me?

4. Overgeneralization

“I always mess up under pressure.”

The Trap: One mistake becomes your whole identity. Confidence shrinks.

ALL IN Reset Strategy:

• AWARENESS: Identify the “always” or “never” patterns.
• REFRAME: Narrow the focus: “I struggled this time, but that doesn’t define me.”
• LEVERAGE: Keep a confidence journal—write down 3 wins (big or small) every day to remind yourself of what’s working.

5. Personalization

 “We lost because of me.”

The Trap: You take sole responsibility for a team outcome, even when it wasn’t all on you.

ALL IN Reset Strategy:

• AWARENESS: Ask: “Am I taking on more than my share of responsibility?”
• REFRAME: “I made a mistake, but the team wins and loses together.”
• INTENTION: Focus on what’s in your control: effort, attitude, preparation, and how you respond moving forward.

The Mental Performance Payoff

The truth is, every athlete will experience distorted thinking—it’s part of being human. The key is to catch it, challenge it, and choose a better response. That’s where the ALL IN Mindset ™ shines.

ALL IN MINDSET ™ IN ACTION: The R3 Method

Use this quick tool the next time a cognitive distortion creeps in:

1. Recognize – “This is a distortion. It’s not the full truth.”
2. Reframe – “What’s a more helpful, realistic thought?”
3. Reset – “What action or focus can I take right now?”

Final Whistle

Cognitive distortions can be loud—but they don’t have to call the plays. Athletes who train their mindset to recognize and reframe these thoughts build a deeper sense of resilience, confidence, and control.

Mental toughness isn’t about silencing all negative thoughts. It’s about learning how to respond to them with intention, not emotion.

Dr. Heather Larkin, LMHC, MGCP, MPM

 As a sports parent, you play a significant role in your child’s athletic journey. From the car ride to the game, to the sideline cheers, to the post-game conversations, everything you say—and how you say it—impacts their confidence, motivation, and overall performance.

But here’s something many parents don’t think about enough: your tone of voice.

Your words may be meant to encourage, but if they come out as sharp, disappointed, or overly intense, your athlete might hear something completely different. On the flip side, a calm, supportive tone can help them stay confident, resilient, and focused—no matter the outcome of the game.

Why Tone Matters More Than Words

Athletes, especially young ones, are highly sensitive to nonverbal cues. Research shows that only 7% of communication comes from words—while tone of voice makes up 38%, and body language 55%. That means how you say something carries five times more weight than what you actually say.

For example, consider these two ways of saying the same thing after a tough game:

Scenario 1 (harsh tone, frustrated body language):
“Why weren’t you ready to play today? You looked lost out there!”

Scenario 2 (calm tone, supportive body language):
“That was a tough game. What do you think you can do differently next time?”

Both statements address the same topic, but the first one can crush an athlete’s confidence, making them feel inadequate. The second invites reflection and growth without making them feel judged or criticized.

The Impact of Tone on an Athlete’s Mindset

Your tone of voice influences your athlete’s mindset in critical ways:

🔹 Confidence Boost vs. Self-Doubt: A supportive tone helps them trust themselves, while a frustrated or disappointed tone can lead to second-guessing.

🔹 Resilience vs. Fear of Failure: Encouraging tones teach them to bounce back from mistakes, while harsh tones make them fear making another one.

🔹 Enjoyment vs. Pressure: A positive tone keeps sports fun, while a critical tone can turn it into a high-stress experience.

Athletes who feel emotionally safe and supported are more likely to take risks, push through challenges, and stay committed to their sport.

How to Use Your Tone to Build Confidence

Here are some key ways to be mindful of your tone of voice when talking to your athlete:

✅ Keep it neutral and calm, even after a tough game. If you’re upset, take a deep breath before speaking.

✅ Match your tone to the message you want to send. Encouragement should sound warm and genuine, not forced or sarcastic.

✅ Use more curiosity and less criticism. Instead of pointing out what went wrong, ask open-ended questions like, “What did you learn from today’s game?”

✅ Be intentional about praise. Saying “I love watching you play” in an authentic, uplifting tone goes a long way.

✅ Watch your body language. Crossed arms, eye rolls, or deep sighs can send a negative message even if your words are positive.

The Car Ride Home: Where Tone Matters Most

The post-game car ride is one of the most crucial moments where your tone of voice can shape your athlete’s mindset. This is when they’re most vulnerable—processing their performance, reliving mistakes, and seeking reassurance.

Try this instead of immediate feedback:

• “I love watching you compete.”
• “How did you feel out there?”
• “What was your favorite part of the game?”

Sometimes, silence is golden. If your athlete doesn’t want to talk, let them take the lead.

Final Thoughts

Your athlete’s confidence isn’t just built through training and practice—it’s also shaped by the way you communicate with them. Your tone of voice can be the difference between a confident, resilient athlete and one who plays in fear of disappointing you.

So next time you’re watching from the stands or driving home after a game, take a moment to check your tone. Your voice is more powerful than you think!

How Your Thoughts About Emotions Shape Your Experience

The way we think about our emotions can greatly influence their impact on us. If you view certain emotions as negative, you might end up avoiding or suppressing them. This avoidance can make it harder to accept and process these emotions, causing the related thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations to linger longer than necessary.

It’s important to recognize that emotions are neither inherently good nor bad; they are simply responses to our experiences and surroundings. While happiness and contentment feel pleasant, emotions like frustration and anger can be uncomfortable. For example, achieving a personal goal can bring happiness, while facing a setback might lead to frustration. Both pleasant and unpleasant emotions provide essential insights into our environment.

Positive emotions reinforce good experiences and drive us towards our goals and relationships, whereas negative emotions alert us to issues that may need our attention, such as anxiety warning us of potential dangers or sadness prompting us to address a loss. Learning to embrace the full range of our emotional experiences helps build emotional resilience. Understanding that every emotion, regardless of its pleasantness, offers valuable information can improve our ability to handle challenges and support our overall emotional health.

Emotions vs. Moods: What’s the Difference?

Though we often use “emotion” and “mood” interchangeably, they are not the same. Emotions are short-lived and specific reactions to particular experiences, lasting for moments. Moods, on the other hand, persist over longer periods, can arise from various experiences, and often don’t have a clear cause. Grasping these differences can deepen your understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

What Makes Up an Emotion?

Emotions happen automatically in response to experiences that matter to us. They can be triggered by both internal and external events, such as recalling a happy memory or facing a stressful situation. Emotions are crucial for making quick decisions, guiding us toward our goals or away from danger. For instance, fear can cause a rush of adrenaline, preparing our body for immediate action. The way we experience and express emotions is unique and influenced by our life experiences, family background, cultural beliefs, and values. From a young age, we learn how to express emotions by observing those around us. Our upbringing can shape whether we react emotionally to specific situations. For example, a slice of apple pie might evoke joy in one person because it brings back happy childhood memories, while someone else might feel indifferent.

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is all about managing your emotions and your body’s responses. This can involve changing how you think, act, or respond to different experiences to reduce the intensity of certain emotions. Chances are, you already use emotional regulation techniques in your daily life. For example, after feeling scared during a horror movie, you might remind yourself, “It’s just a movie,” to calm down.

Developing effective emotional regulation skills starts with noticing and naming your emotions. Taking a moment after an experience to acknowledge your feelings can lessen their intensity. For instance, if you’re feeling frustrated due to a miscommunication with a friend, recognizing this feeling allows you to address it directly rather than being overwhelmed without understanding why. A helpful technique is to create some distance from your emotions. Instead of saying, “I’m angry!” you could reframe it to, “I’m feeling angry because I’m stuck in traffic and that’s frustrating.” This subtle shift helps you see emotions as temporary states rather than defining who you are, making it easier to manage them thoughtfully.

Strategies to Improve Emotions and Mood Enhancing your emotional well-being and mood involves practical strategies you can incorporate into your daily routine:

1. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness helps you stay present and aware of your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Meditation can further enhance this awareness, reducing stress and improving emotional regulation. Apps like Headspace or Calm offer guided practices for beginners.

2. Engage in Regular Physical Activity

Exercise is known to release endorphins, the body’s natural mood lifters. Whether it’s a brisk walk, a gym workout, or a yoga session, regular physical activity can boost your mood and overall emotional health.

3. Maintain a Balanced Diet

Eating a well-balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains can have a positive impact on your mood. Nutrient-rich foods contribute to better mental health and can help stabilize your emotions.

4. Develop a Support Network

Building strong relationships with family, friends, or support groups can provide emotional support and help you navigate challenging emotions. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can offer new perspectives and comfort.

5. Establish a Routine

Having a daily routine can create a sense of stability and predictability, which can be comforting. Include activities that you enjoy and that contribute to your well-being, such as hobbies or self-care practices.

6. Get Adequate Sleep

Good sleep hygiene is crucial for emotional well-being. Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Establish a bedtime routine that promotes relaxation, such as reading or taking a warm bath.

7. Seek Professional Help When Needed

If you’re struggling to manage your emotions or mood, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Therapists can provide strategies and support tailored to your needs, helping you develop better coping mechanisms. By integrating these strategies into your life, you can enhance your emotional resilience, improve your mood, and build a healthier, more balanced approach to emotional well-being.