Dr. Heather Larkin, LMHC, MGCP, MPM
As a sports parent, you play a significant role in your child’s athletic journey. From the car ride to the game, to the sideline cheers, to the post-game conversations, everything you say—and how you say it—impacts their confidence, motivation, and overall performance.
But here’s something many parents don’t think about enough: your tone of voice.
Your words may be meant to encourage, but if they come out as sharp, disappointed, or overly intense, your athlete might hear something completely different. On the flip side, a calm, supportive tone can help them stay confident, resilient, and focused—no matter the outcome of the game.
Why Tone Matters More Than Words
Athletes, especially young ones, are highly sensitive to nonverbal cues. Research shows that only 7% of communication comes from words—while tone of voice makes up 38%, and body language 55%. That means how you say something carries five times more weight than what you actually say.
For example, consider these two ways of saying the same thing after a tough game:
Scenario 1 (harsh tone, frustrated body language):
“Why weren’t you ready to play today? You looked lost out there!”
Scenario 2 (calm tone, supportive body language):
“That was a tough game. What do you think you can do differently next time?”
Both statements address the same topic, but the first one can crush an athlete’s confidence, making them feel inadequate. The second invites reflection and growth without making them feel judged or criticized.
The Impact of Tone on an Athlete’s Mindset
Your tone of voice influences your athlete’s mindset in critical ways:
🔹 Confidence Boost vs. Self-Doubt: A supportive tone helps them trust themselves, while a frustrated or disappointed tone can lead to second-guessing.
🔹 Resilience vs. Fear of Failure: Encouraging tones teach them to bounce back from mistakes, while harsh tones make them fear making another one.
🔹 Enjoyment vs. Pressure: A positive tone keeps sports fun, while a critical tone can turn it into a high-stress experience.
Athletes who feel emotionally safe and supported are more likely to take risks, push through challenges, and stay committed to their sport.
How to Use Your Tone to Build Confidence
Here are some key ways to be mindful of your tone of voice when talking to your athlete:
✅ Keep it neutral and calm, even after a tough game. If you’re upset, take a deep breath before speaking.
✅ Match your tone to the message you want to send. Encouragement should sound warm and genuine, not forced or sarcastic.
✅ Use more curiosity and less criticism. Instead of pointing out what went wrong, ask open-ended questions like, “What did you learn from today’s game?”
✅ Be intentional about praise. Saying “I love watching you play” in an authentic, uplifting tone goes a long way.
✅ Watch your body language. Crossed arms, eye rolls, or deep sighs can send a negative message even if your words are positive.
The Car Ride Home: Where Tone Matters Most
The post-game car ride is one of the most crucial moments where your tone of voice can shape your athlete’s mindset. This is when they’re most vulnerable—processing their performance, reliving mistakes, and seeking reassurance.
Try this instead of immediate feedback:
- “I love watching you compete.”
- “How did you feel out there?”
- “What was your favorite part of the game?”
Sometimes, silence is golden. If your athlete doesn’t want to talk, let them take the lead.
Final Thoughts
Your athlete’s confidence isn’t just built through training and practice—it’s also shaped by the way you communicate with them. Your tone of voice can be the difference between a confident, resilient athlete and one who plays in fear of disappointing you.
So next time you’re watching from the stands or driving home after a game, take a moment to check your tone. Your voice is more powerful than you think!