When You're Ready to Start, but Still Waiting for Your Opportunity

How high school athletes can maintain composure, build confidence, advocate for themselves, demonstrate leadership, and trust the process when their talent exceeds their playing time.

When the work is there but the opportunity isn’t, the real challenge is staying engaged without letting comparison take over.

You put in the work. You show up early, stay late, train in the offseason, and compete every day in practice. You know your position. You understand the game. You can see your development, and you know what you're capable of contributing to your team. You may even believe you're more skilled at your position than the athlete currently starting ahead of you. But when game day comes, you're still watching from the sideline.

You're told to be patient. To keep working. To wait your turn. And while you understand that you're younger and haven't earned the same varsity experience as the athlete ahead of you, there's a part of you that keeps asking:

"What else do I have to do to get my opportunity?"

For a talented freshman or sophomore, this can be one of the most challenging experiences in high school athletics. Not necessarily because of a lack of confidence, but because you're confident in your abilities and frustrated that you haven't had the opportunity to demonstrate them when it matters most. Here's something I want every young athlete in this position to understand:

Being ready to compete and being given the opportunity to compete don't always happen at the same time. How you handle that gap can become one of the most important parts of your development, both as an athlete and as a future leader.

The Difference Between Being Talented and Being Trusted

One of the hardest lessons for young athletes to accept is that coaches don't always make starting decisions based solely on who possesses the greatest individual skill. Experience, consistency, decision-making, knowledge of the team's system, communication, reliability, and performance under pressure can all influence who gets the starting position. A more experienced athlete may not have your speed, arm strength, technical ability, or overall athleticism, but the coaching staff may trust that athlete's ability to recognize situations, execute assignments, and respond when things don't go according to plan.

That doesn't automatically make the decision right or wrong. It means there may be more influencing that decision than what you see. And while you cannot control how your coach evaluates players, you can control how consistently you demonstrate that you're someone the team can depend on. Your goal shouldn't simply be to prove that you're more talented. Your goal should be to become so prepared, consistent, and dependable that your coach has increasing reasons to trust you with greater responsibility.

That's a very different mindset.

Frustration Is Understandable. Letting It Control You Is a Choice.

Let's be clear about something. Feeling frustrated doesn't mean you have a bad attitude. It doesn't mean you're selfish, entitled, or unwilling to be a team player. Frustration is a natural response when you believe you've earned something that hasn't happened yet. The problem begins when frustration starts influencing your behavior.

Maybe you become quieter at practice. You stop encouraging the starter. Your body language changes when you're taken out of a drill. You begin questioning every coaching decision or replaying what you believe is unfair. You might even find yourself secretly hoping the starter makes a mistake so the coach will finally put you in. That's when frustration starts working against you. Not because your feelings are wrong, but because your attention has shifted away from your own development and toward someone else's performance.

You cannot build your future by becoming consumed with another athlete's opportunity. The ALL IN Mindset™ teaches athletes to recognize their emotions without allowing those emotions to determine their actions. You can be disappointed and still be disciplined. You can disagree with a decision and still demonstrate respect. You can want more for yourself while genuinely supporting your teammates. That's emotional maturity. And it's a powerful competitive advantage.

Applying the Five Pillars of the ALL IN Mindset™

1. Awareness: Recognize What You Can and Cannot Control

Self-awareness begins with being honest about what you're experiencing. Are you frustrated because you aren't playing? Because you believe the starter isn't as skilled? Because you're worried others will overlook your talent? Or because you feel your effort isn't being recognized?

Those feelings may overlap, but understanding them matters. Next, separate what you can control from what you cannot. You cannot control the starting lineup, the coach's preferences, another player's experience, or when your opportunity arrives. You can control your preparation, attitude, effort, body language, communication, coachability, and how you respond to adversity. Ask yourself:

"Am I spending more energy worrying about the opportunity I haven't received than preparing for the opportunity I want?"

Awareness isn't about pretending that everything is fair. It's about recognizing where your energy is going and making sure it's working for you, not against you.

2. Let Go of Limitations: Stop Comparing and Start Competing

Comparison can become one of the greatest limitations for a talented young athlete. You watch the starter closely. You notice every mistake. You compare every throw, shot, defensive play, or decision to what you believe you would have done. Before long, your confidence becomes connected to another player's performance. Here's the problem: comparison doesn't develop your skills. It consumes the mental energy you need to improve them.

You don't have to diminish another athlete to recognize your own ability. And you don't need someone else to fail in order for you to succeed. Let go of the belief that your progress is only meaningful when someone else loses their position. Instead, compete against the standard required to perform at the next level. Study the game. Strengthen your weaknesses. Improve your decision-making. Become more consistent.

Your competition may be another athlete, but your responsibility is to keep raising your own standard.

3. Lock In on W.I.N.: What's Important Now?

One of the most valuable mental performance skills an athlete can develop is the ability to redirect attention from what they cannot control to what requires their attention in the present moment. That's the foundation of W.I.N.—What's Important Now?

When you're standing on the sideline wishing you were playing, what's important now?

Staying mentally engaged in the game.

When the starter makes a mistake, what's important now?

Staying focused on your own preparation rather than celebrating someone else's struggle.

When you aren't receiving the opportunities you expected in practice, what's important now?

Executing every rep you are given with intention and purpose.

When you feel disappointed after another game without meaningful playing time, what's important now?

Managing your emotions, evaluating your performance, and identifying your next productive action.

W.I.N. doesn't mean ignoring your long-term goals. It means recognizing that your ability to achieve those goals is influenced by what you consistently execute today. Your next opportunity may come unexpectedly.

Will you be mentally prepared, or will you have spent so much energy being frustrated that you're not ready when your number is called?

4. Intrinsic Confidence: Know Your Value Without Needing Constant Validation

This may be the most important pillar for a young athlete waiting for an opportunity. Your confidence cannot depend entirely on whether you're starting, how many minutes you're playing, or whether your coach publicly recognizes your ability. Those are external circumstances. And external circumstances can change quickly.

Intrinsic confidence comes from knowing how you've prepared, understanding your strengths, recognizing your growth, and trusting your ability to respond to challenges.

It doesn't mean assuming you're better than everyone else. It means having a realistic understanding of what you bring to the team while remaining willing to learn.

You should be able to say: "I believe in my ability." "I know I've improved." "I recognize there are things I still need to develop." "I can be confident in myself while respecting the athlete ahead of me." "I don't need a starting position to validate the work I've put in."

Your position on the depth chart is information about your current role. It is not a definition of your potential. Build a confidence resume. Document the skills you've developed, difficult situations you've overcome, positive feedback you've received, and specific examples of improvement. When your playing time doesn't reflect your expectations, return to the evidence of your growth rather than allowing disappointment to rewrite how you see yourself.

5. Next Play Mentality: Don't Let Today's Decision Determine Tomorrow's Performance

Maybe you had an outstanding week of practice and still didn't get into the game. Maybe you were told you'd have an opportunity, but it never came. Maybe you watched someone else make mistakes at your position while you remained on the bench. You cannot change what happened. But you can decide what happens next. The ALL IN Mindset™ teaches athletes to develop a Next Play Mentality—the ability to recognize what happened, manage their emotional response, and intentionally reengage with what matters.

Use a simple three-part reset routine:

Verbal Cue: "Level Up!" “ALL IN!” “Next Play!”

Physical Cue: Take a controlled breath, release the tension in your shoulders, and reset your posture.

Next Play Intention: Identify one action you can execute that supports your development or your team. This isn't about accepting every decision without question. It's about refusing to allow one disappointing decision to negatively influence your next practice, conversation, or opportunity.

The strongest competitors don't eliminate disappointment. They learn how to respond to it.

Leadership Doesn't Require a Starting Position

Here's something young athletes often overlook: You don't have to be the starter to be a leader. Leadership isn't awarded through playing time. It's demonstrated through behavior. It's how you carry yourself when things aren't going your way. It's how you treat teammates who are receiving opportunities you want. It's whether you remain engaged when you're not the center of attention. Anyone can be enthusiastic when they're playing well and receiving recognition.

It's much harder to remain encouraging, focused, and committed when you're disappointed. That doesn't mean you have to pretend you're happy about sitting on the bench. It means recognizing that your teammates are not responsible for your frustration. Support the starter. Help your teammates prepare. Communicate during practice. Stay involved during games. Be someone younger athletes can look to for an example of professionalism and commitment.

And remember, leadership also means taking responsibility for your own development. You can be supportive of your team while still being ambitious about your individual goals. Those two things are not in conflict.

Advocate for Yourself Without Complaining or Confronting

Trusting the process does not mean remaining silent. This is where many young athletes need guidance. Some athletes avoid speaking to their coach because they're afraid of appearing disrespectful or entitled. Others allow frustration to build until the conversation becomes emotional, defensive, or confrontational. Neither approach is particularly effective.

Self-advocacy is a leadership skill. It means taking responsibility for your development, communicating respectfully, asking thoughtful questions, and seeking clarity about what you need to do to earn greater responsibility.

Instead of asking your coach: "Why is he starting over me?"

Ask: "Coach, I really want to contribute more to this team, and I'm committed to doing whatever I need to do to earn that opportunity. Can you help me understand the specific things you need to see from me to build that trust?"

That's a very different conversation. You're not questioning another athlete's worth. You're asking for information that can help you improve.

How to Have a Productive Conversation With Your Coach

1. Choose the right time.

Don't approach your coach immediately after a disappointing game when emotions are running high. Request a brief meeting at an appropriate time.

2. Lead with commitment, not comparison.

Express your desire to contribute to the team's success and your willingness to continue developing.

3. Ask for specific, measurable feedback.

What technical skills, tactical decisions, communication habits, or consistency does your coach want to see?

4. Clarify what earning the opportunity looks like.

Ask how progress will be evaluated and whether there are opportunities to demonstrate readiness in practice or competition.

5. Follow through and revisit the conversation.

Take the feedback seriously, apply it consistently, and respectfully request a follow-up conversation after you've had time to demonstrate improvement.

Here's an example: "Coach, I appreciate the opportunity to be part of this team. My goal is to earn more responsibility and eventually compete for the starting position. I know I have less varsity experience, but I believe I have strengths that can help us. I'd really value your feedback on what I need to demonstrate to earn more trust and opportunities. Can we identify two or three things I should focus on, and then check in on my progress?"

This communicates confidence, maturity, accountability, and respect. And if the feedback is vague, it's reasonable to ask follow-up questions. You deserve the opportunity to understand expectations, even when the coach cannot promise you playing time.

Trust the Process, but Make Sure You're Participating in It

Athletes hear the phrase "trust the process" all the time. But what does that actually mean? It doesn't mean blindly accepting every circumstance. It doesn't mean waiting indefinitely without asking questions. And it certainly doesn't mean assuming that hard work automatically guarantees a starting position. Trusting the process means maintaining confidence in your development while consistently executing the behaviors that move you closer to your goals.

It also means evaluating whether your current approach is producing progress. Are you becoming more skilled? Are you learning the game at a deeper level? Are you demonstrating greater consistency? Are you seeking and applying constructive feedback?

Are you preparing yourself to perform when opportunities become available? And are you having productive conversations with the people responsible for your development?

Trusting the process requires patience, but it also requires initiative. Sometimes progress is visible through increased playing time. Other times it appears through improved practice performance, stronger relationships with coaches, greater tactical understanding, or increased responsibility. And sometimes, despite your preparation and improvement, the opportunity still doesn't come.

That doesn't mean you failed. It means you may need to reassess your goals, seek additional feedback, and make informed decisions about your next steps. Trust the process, but never confuse patience with passivity.

The ALL IN Challenge: Prepare Like the Starter Before You Become the Starter

For the next 30 days, stop measuring your progress primarily by whether your name appears at the top of the depth chart. Instead, challenge yourself to demonstrate the habits of the athlete you want to become. Every day, focus on five commitments:

1. Show up prepared. Approach every practice, drill, and opportunity with purpose.

2. Control your response. Recognize frustration without allowing it to influence your effort, attitude, or body language.

3. Lead where you are. Encourage teammates, communicate effectively, and contribute positively to the team's environment.

4. Advocate with maturity. Seek constructive feedback, ask specific questions, and take responsibility for your development.

5. Execute your Next Play. Learn from each experience, reset when necessary, and remain focused on W.I.N.—What's Important Now?

At the end of each week, reflect on three questions: What did I improve? How did I respond when things didn't go my way? What am I going to execute differently next week? These are the behaviors that develop mental toughness, emotional maturity, leadership, and long-term competitive confidence.

Final Thought: Your Opportunity Is Bigger Than Your Position

One of the biggest mistakes talented young athletes can make is believing their value is determined by how quickly someone recognizes their ability. You may be ready for more responsibility before your coach is ready to give it to you. You may be developing faster than your playing time suggests. And you may have to demonstrate patience during a period when your ambition is telling you to push harder.

But here's what I want you to remember:

You can be patient without being passive. Confident without being arrogant. Competitive without being resentful. And a leader without being the starter.

Don't allow the disappointment of today to interfere with the athlete you're becoming. Continue to develop your skills. Strengthen your understanding of the game. Build relationships. Ask questions. Advocate for yourself. Hold yourself accountable. And when the opportunity finally comes, don't be surprised by it. Be prepared for it. Because your goal is not simply to earn the starting position.

Your goal is to become the kind of athlete who is ready to execute, lead, and respond at the next level—regardless of what circumstances come your way. That's the difference between waiting for your opportunity and preparing to make the most of it. That's the ALL IN Mindset™.

About the Author

Dr. Heather D. Larkin is the Founder and CEO of ALL IN Counseling & Mental Performance Coaching, LLC. A former college athlete, experienced educational leader, licensed mental health counselor, and mental performance clinician, Dr. Larkin works with athletes at every level and sport to develop the cognitive and emotional skills necessary to navigate competitive pressures, build intrinsic confidence, overcome adversity, and execute at their highest level. Through her signature ALL IN Mindset™, she helps athletes develop five essential performance skills: Awareness, Letting Go of Limitations, Locking In on W.I.N., Intrinsic Confidence, and a Next Play Mentality.

Strength & Conditioning for the Mind.

Learn more at www.theallinpro.com.

References

Amorose, A. J., & Anderson-Butcher, D. (2007). Autonomy-supportive coaching and self-determined motivation in high school and college athletes: A test of self-determination theory. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 8(5), 654–670. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2006.11.003